A bit of history; so my identity was defined by public reputations; I was keeping up appearances with my friends. I also hid my Christian upbringing, and I didn't want people to know I was a Pastor's kid, because they say we're the worst.
In the midst of my mixed identity or more like "double standard" life I as living, I never really felt like I totally fitted in either place, but I still felt a deeper connection with Father God, even in the midst of my interesting lifestyle.
“The Spirit and the Bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.” Revelation 22:17
I battled the dress codes and was hurt multiple times by religious people, but I still felt a deeper connection with Father God. At that time, it didn't make sense, because I felt, I had to be a certain way to actually have a connection and relationship with God.
Giving up on the Path
At a certain stage in my life, I had given up deep in my heart to fit in, because deep within me, I didn't feel I was meant to and nothing really made any sense; so I chose the YOLO path and put my relationship with God on hold. At this time, my parents didn't know all of this was going on, because I came home from my school breaks, I still went to church, but my heart was far away from God. Church became a social gathering, I loved hanging out with my friends in the teenage department and we would pass around party invitations; hiding them in our bags or bibles; then we didn't have smart phones, so you can imagine. In the midst of all of this, I never really understood that the Father just wanted me to come as I was. Not understanding, that He created me uniquely to be His creative daughter.
to be continued